I like to think that, during the five or so years I've been using Flash, I have produced some pretty decent animations that people have enjoyed watching. Everyone knows the animations I'm talking about - we have The Mumblerhood, the Ahmed series, and of course The Everyday Adventures of Steve. However, I've obviously created other cartoons since I started learning Flash, and there's a very good reason they're not on this site - whether it's because they're too crude, too badly animated or just completely and utterly terrible, many of these animations will never be seen by anyone other than me and a few close friends.

However, rather than just leaving it at that, I decided I'd take you through a number of the 'better' or more significant animations that have been sitting on my harddrive for the last five years. As a side note, some of these animations might actually end up on the site (if I ever get round to splitting the cartoons section into proper animations and jokey crap ones) whereas others will NEVER BE SEEN BY ANYONE. Let's begin!

The Andy Animation part 2 (2004)

Probability that this will end up on the site: Not in a million years

I honestly don't even know where to begin when talking about The Andy Animation part 2, as there really is a lot to talk about. While the animation was awfully animated, had the world's worst story (we'll get to this in a minute) and was basically cobbled together scene-by-scene, it stands as something of a prequel to The Mumblerhood and is to my recollection the first proper cartoon I ever made in Flash. In fact, while I find The Andy Animation part 2 so cringe-worthy I don't think I'd ever show it to anyone, there are a surprising number of jokes and scenes in it which I would come to develop in later animations, including the cartoon starting with Andy sitting at his desk watching porn (remind you of anyone?) and a few jokes that would re-appear in The Mumblerhood.

As for the storyline, it is just... eurgh. I could go on about how I didn't know at the time how to put together a decent plot or how I clearly didn't plan the entire episode from the start, but instead I'll just skip to the chase - we start with Andy in his room watching porn, when suddenly his computer blows up. Andy announces that he'll have to go on a ridiculous adventure to purchase a new computer, and when he ends up in a shop it gets blown up by a missile. Andy survives this and is picked up by Mulder and Scully from The X-Files (yes, seriously - I didn't even watch The X-Files, I have no idea what I was doing). They take him back to the FBI headquarters and tell Andy that terrorists have started putting C4 in household computers in order to kill innocent people. They also tell Andy about a gay terrorist called Sebastian Cob, who has important documents regarding the terrorist cell. Andy agrees to help them, but is told that Cob's house is heavily-guarded, so he will have to 'befriend' Cob in order to get access to his house. Andy is dropped off in front of a gay disco and when he enters, a number of people are dancing to the YMCA - the episode mercifully ends here.

I don't know what to say. In my defence, The Andy Animation part 2 was written and animated specifically for my friends, so I obviously cared about more about putting Andy in comical and embarrassing situations than making an intelligent storyline. Still, the cartoon is pretty awful and has one of the worst jokes I've ever put into an animation (Andy comments on how stupid the plot is at one point and a photo of me slides on, saying 'don't blame me - I don't get paid for this job') so I'll never, ever put it on the site. For those who are wondering, The Andy Animation part 1 was actually just a series of still images which showed Andy attempting and failing to get a job. It was even worse than part 2.

American Piez presents: The Wanking and Vomit Frat Camp (2007)

Probability that this will end up on the site: Never

Unlike The Andy Animation part 2, I actually really like this one. It's basically a spoof of the awful American Pie Presents movies (the straight-to-video spinoffs of the main American Pie series) - the animation was actually made in about 20 minutes, as I was talking to a friend on MSN and we'd been talking about The Naked Mile, so I said I'd make a spoof of it as quickly as possible. Featuring all the aspects of the American Pie movies that you've come to know and... well, just know - such as the main character masturbating at the most obviously dangerous time (when your parents are about to come home, when your gran's coming over, when you're using a bottle of super-strength adhesive rather than lube etc), a complete moron who somehow manages to get with a billion girls, and of course the big party at the end - The Wanking and Vomit Frat Camp has it all. You won't see it on the site, however, because it is unbelievably crude.

The Average Man music video (2005)

Probability that this will end up on the site: Really unlikely (unfinished and not very good)

There isn't much to say about this one - I really liked the song Average Man by Reel Big Fish in my first year of uni, so I made a video to it that featured a billion injokes about my uni housemates. I never finished it and what I made is only really understandable by about 6 people, but I still find it pretty entertaining.

Blood Test (2007)

Probability that this will end up on the site: Probably not

This very brief animation was made purely to test a new blood animation I'd created for Steve 3. It's noteable for only one thing - the sniper you see above actually blows off Jimmy's head. Jimmy doesn't die in the series though, I just needed someone to test the effect out on.

Babyshame 1, 2 and the DVA PSA (2005/6)

Probability that this will end up on the site: Never, ever

These three cartoons focus on a very strange hallmate I had during my first year of uni, and if you want to know more you'll need to e-mail me about them.

A GCSE Summer Gathering in 60 seconds (2005)

Probability that this will end up on the site: High

Similar to the American Piez cartoon, this was created exceptionally quickly as a random challenge, and focuses on some of the more amusing aspects of the parties and gatherings my friends had when we were about 16. Everything from people refusing to share duvets at sleep-overs to staying up all night watching terrible movies (Bring It On springs to mind) is here, and while a lot of it is specific to my group of friends I'm sure that if you went to parties back in Year 11, you'll get a lot of the jokes. If I ever do make that 'random crap' section, this will be the first thing in there.

The Lost Spoof (2006)

Probability that this will end up on the site: High

This was yet another 'make a cartoon in 20 minutes' challenge while on MSN, and I decided to spoof Lost (I was obsessed with the series in my first year of uni). The spoof focuses largely on the second series (particularly the last episode) and includes fan-favourites such as Eko, the Smoke Monster, and the 108 counter thing. As with the Gathering cartoon above it's exceptionally short, but what's there is amusing and if you're a fan of Lost you'll definitely get a kick out of it.

The Mumblerhood 5 (2005)

Probability that this will end up on the site: High, but not like this

This is where things get serious. There are reasons you might never see this episode - it currently consists of a new intro and a tiny part of the first scene, it's been sitting on my harddrive since 2005, and I have no desire to continue the storyline I had in place - the idea was that something had gone wrong when loading The Mumblerhood 5 and so a replacement called The Girlyhood had been loaded, so in other words it was going to be a normal episode but with the girls instead of the guys. However, I'm not finished with the series, although it's likely this particular episode will be scrapped and in its place I'll make a Mumblerhood short, probably just involving two of the guys. Anyway, if you thought hearing about this 'lost' episode was cool, check this out:

The Mumblerhood Game (2006)

Probability that this will end up on the site: If I ever finish it, then definitely

If this article had sound, you'd probably be hearing a big 'DUN DUN DUN!!!' right now. That's right, I actually started designing and programming a Mumblerhood game in Flash, and it had the best menu screen caption ever - 'Mumblerhood: The Game of the Cartoon of the Real Life'. The game's plot revolves around a party that Dave is having, and everything seems to be going great until four things come up that could cause the party to go sour. To avoid this from happening, each character from The Mumblerhood has to embark on a mission to prevent a drama - my one is first, and I have to collect enough cans of Diet Coke to keep the girls happy.

The game is far from being complete (I didn't even manage to finish the first mission) and my programming skills are terrible, but I'd still love to finish the game. As a side note, I've actually planned to make a game for another series of mine, but... well, it's a bit of a secret.

Trip to Paris (2005)

Probability that this will end up on the site: High

Trip to Paris was created and voice-acted by my friend Clara and myself, and featured a tiny bit of voice-work from Richard 'Mumblerhood' Manber. Based on vaguely true events (as were most of my cartoons at the time), the animation shows a holiday in Paris I went on with five of my friends. What makes Trip to Paris noteable amongst so many shoddy animations I made in 2005 is that it's actually still funny - sure, there are still plenty of injokes, but there's a lot of good jokes in there and it's definitely refreshing to hear voice-acting (keep in mind I was heavily into The Mumblerhood at the time and this had no voice-acting whatsoever). We never finished it but oh well, I imagine it would have got a bit thin if we had of animated the entire holiday.

The Richard Manber fansite animation (2005)

Probability that this will end up on the site: Very high

This animation is sheer, absolute genius. Basically, some random girl added me on MSN in 2005 and I found her extremely annoying - she'd seemingly added me by random and just talked about crap music and boys all the time. One day she asked me about my friends and I ended up creating some elaborate story about how Rich was actually a famous movie-star and had his own fansites. In order to take this story even further, I made a fake intro for a non-existent fansite that included some obviously Photoshopped images and some hilariously over-the-top theme music. Anyway, this animation is brilliant and you can fully expect to see it on the site some day soon.

The Legend of Zelda: The Festering Trousers of Time

Probability that this will end up on the site: Quite likely

It is somewhat inevitable that a guy like me who loves animating, loves making spoofs and loves the Zelda series will end up making a Zelda spoof, and this was mine. I never finished the cartoon (it ends after the obligatory opening story) but what's there is pretty good - I manage to fit in spoofs ranging from the fact Ganon is always the bad guy in Zelda games even if the game pretends he isn't at the start, to poking fun at how you nearly always have to go and retrieve some mystical and ridiculous artefact. In this particular game, the idea is that a very old Link had a pair of trousers that smelt absolutely terrible, but they managed to repel Ganon's minions with their potent odour. A plot focusing on horrible smells may sound a bit far-fetched, but let's be honest here - Zelda on the GameCube had you playing as the Master of Winds.